How to get your loved one to go to therapy in SLO County, California
How do you get your loved one to go to therapy? Seven tips to help you start the conversation.
You want to get your spouse, child, parent, sibling, or best friend to go to therapy? Let’s talk about what works and what doesn’t.
One of the most common questions that I get as a therapist is how someone can get their loved one to go to therapy. The comment’s I’ve heard range from playfully amusing to deeply painful.
Starting the conversation with your loved one can feel daunting. Here are seven tips to help you feel prepared:
Understand that you can’t make anyone go to therapy
I recognize the deep desire you have to help your loved one. I’ve talked with many people who truly feel panicked about getting their family member or friend into counseling. They may be concerned about very real threats - such as suicidal ideation or addiction. But before you start trying to broach the conversation with a loved one about therapy - you need to be very clear with yourself and with them: love is not control. True love requires that you honor your loved one’s autonomy. Beginning the conversation with an understanding that you cannot and do not want to control them will help lessen resistance and increase their ability to hear your concern.
Explain your why
Due to mental health stigma, sometimes people hear a recommendation to enter therapy as: “you’re so broken and defective, that I can’t listen to you or help you any more. You’re such a basket case that I think you need professional help!”
Make sure that you gently explain why you are suggesting counseling to your loved one. You can explain that you believe they are deserving of time and energy focused solely on them. That you believe they are worthy of healing and you are hopeful that with help, they can feel better. You can emphasize that you are recommending they talk to someone because you believe that their issues really are as hard as they say- it’s not their imagination - and they may benefit from talking to someone who has experience helping people with problems just like theirs. Come to your friend or family member from a place of compassion and love.
Offer practical support
If your loved one is going through a difficult time, it can be hard to even know where to start the process to find a counselor. Offer to help them call their insurance company to inquire about mental health coverage. You can assist them in looking for a provider that specializes in their concerns. You might offer to drive them to their first appointment as moral support, or watch their kids so they don’t have to struggle to arrange childcare. Do what you can to make it as easy as possible for them to schedule and attend sessions.
Offer to go to therapy together
If you are trying to find a therapist for a family member, sometimes it is easier to begin by offering to go together. For example, if you feel your spouse’s untreated depression is affecting the both of you, offer couples therapy as an alternative to individual care. There you can both discuss how the depression is impacting the two of you, and you can learn how to better support your partner. If you have a teen or young adult child that is resistant to care, perhaps family therapy would be a good place to start. Sometimes starting together can help the potential client see how you are willing to engage in treatment in support of their healing. It can also help your loved one have some positive first exposures to therapy.
Normalize therapy
If you are going to talk the talk- it’s important to walk the walk! It can be hard to hear someone recommend therapy when they have never engaged in it themselves. If you have been in therapy before- talk about it! Tell them how it helped you and why you would recommend it to others. It can be helpful to talk about therapy in a normalizing way around family or friends during times of non-crisis to help establish the idea of therapy as being as normal as going to the physical therapist for muscle pain, or the dentist for a toothache.
Know when to stop
Back to point #1 - know that if your loved one has made themselves clear about not wanting to attend therapy, it’s time to let it go. There are many paths to healing and counseling is just one of them. Therapy has been shown to help people improve symptoms, but therapy is not helpful when the client is resistant to change. Putting them in a room with a counselor when they don’t want to be there likely won’t make any difference at all. In fact, it might even deepen their resistance to treatment.
Seek your own support
The statement: “I go to therapy because of the people in my life who won’t go to therapy” is often true. Being in relationship with someone who is mentally ill, refuses care for themselves, or lacks self awareness or insight likely leads to a difficult relationship. That alone may be good reason for you to seek out care.
Similarly, even if your loved one does choose to attend therapy, you might find you need support as you love them through this difficult part of their journey. Practice what you preach and be enthusiastically open to help and support!
I hope these seven tips help you know how to better navigate a conversation with your loved one about attending therapy.
Whether or not you are in San Luis Obispo County, or some other part of California, Utah, or Iowa - if you are feeling stuck, call me at 805-956-8555 for a free 15-minute phone consultation, and I will do my best to direct you to someone who can help.
If you are looking for help with anxiety and depression, relationship issues, or the effects of working in the medical field, read about how I can help you here.